


Balloon Buddies

by almaasi



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Animal Transformation, Antelope Julian Bashir, Crack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Feel-good, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, Light-Hearted, Lizard Elim Garak, M/M, Miles O’Brien Loves Animals, No Angst, Schmoop, just some utter ridiculousness for these trying times, set mid season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24446104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almaasi/pseuds/almaasi
Summary: Some well-meaning Jake-and-Nog shenanigans leave Garak in an awkward predicament: he transforms into a lizard the size of a watermelon. Naturally, he won’t let anyone care for him but Julian – but then Julian turns into a tiny antelope. Waiting for a remedy to this nonsense, Julian and Garak hunker down in the O’Briens’ quarters, with labelled balloons attached to them so they don’t get lost behind the furniture.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 29
Kudos: 186





	Balloon Buddies

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this unbearably adorable video](https://almaasi.tumblr.com/post/619490416014884865/jaubaius-if-the-little-guy-floating-up-welp-i).  
> For your mental reference and entertainment, [this video shows what ‘pronking’ looks like](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMIiB9DnRXg).
> 
> Warning for Dax retrieving blood samples from Julian and Garak (non-graphic). Blink-and-you’d-miss-it spoilers for 5x16 ‘Doctor Bashir, I Presume’.
> 
> Beta’d by [my sister Amara!](https://sweetdreamspootypie.tumblr.com/)

  


“NoOOgg! What – _did_ – you – _do_?”

Nog tried to look innocent. He didn’t remember doing anything wrong. ”Nothing, Uncle!”

“Oh, yeah?” Quark thrust a raggedy dishtowel towards the bar, where a pile of clothes now occupied a barstool. “Then why has my customer melted?!”

“Melted!” Nog’s eyes darted fearfully to the barstool. “ _Melted_?!”

The crumpled tunic wriggled, and Nog screamed.

Quark screamed, also.

Rom pattered closer, curious. He approached the moving tunic – and with a tentative, then brave finger, he pried back the collar. A lizard poked its head free and stuck its forked tongue out.

Rom did what seemed most sensible, given the situation: he screamed.

  
🎈  


Jake came running at the sound of his friend’s high-pitched alarm call, and stumbled his way down the last five steps of the spiral staircase, homework books clutched to his chest. He dropped pens and a padd along the way, and tossed the rest onto the bar to free up his hands. He turned the distraught Ferengi around by both shoulders, asking, “What is it, what’s wrong?” He didn’t see any immediate danger. “Are you hurt? I can fetch the doctor.”

Nog screeched a few more notes, but hyperventilated his way to a normal breath. He huffed out, “It. He. Garak. Lizard. Drink.”

“What?”

Nog pointed an orange hand.

A chunky lizard the size of a watermelon sat inside a nest of clothes, looking chagrined. It grappled its fingers – claws? – towards the bartop but couldn’t reach its drink, so craned up on its back legs and crawled onto the bar’s surface. By the time its beige tail was revealed, Jake realised the thing was almost as long as a baseball bat.

“That’s _Garak_?” Jake breathed. He watched the lizard dip its forked tongue in and out of its beverage.

Quark wheezed near the replicator, one hand braced against the wall. Rom tried to keep people back, telling everyone there was nothing to see here, when clearly there was. A crowd gathered against Rom’s barricading arms, dabo girls and customers and Starfleet personnel alike.

“W-W-We’re liable for damages,” Nog managed to get out. “The Noh-Jay Consortium could be _sued_. He drank our drink and—!”

“We’re not going to get sued.” Jake shook his head. “Look, we can fix this. Dr. Bashir can fix this.”

“You think?”

“Come on.” Jake grabbed Nog’s arm and dragged him to the bar’s main exit.

Quark yelled, “Where are you going?! You can’t run away from this! _Nog_!”

Jake and Nog hurtled down the Promenade, darting around pedestrians, barely stopping to apologise when someone got spun around.

Evidently Odo heard them approaching, because his face poked out of his office doors. The rest of him oozed out after, reforming into a Humanoid shape. “No running on the Promenade, you two,” he said firmly, but Jake and Nog had already stampeded past.

“Sorry, Odo!” Nog shouted back, jogging in reverse as Jake guided him along. “Garak’s a lizard!”

Odo harrumphed. “Isn’t he always?”

Jake and Nog barged into the Infirmary. Dr. Bashir turned around, curious until he saw the boys, and immediately became guarded. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Garak!” Nog panted, “is a lizard!”

Dr. Bashir relaxed. “Okay,” he said, “that is a _little_ rude.”

Jake shook his head frantically. “You don’t understand. We – Nog and me – we were trying to get Chief O’Brien the tubing he needed for the environmental systems but we had to trade and we found a Sa’ney salesman who had warp coils for sale so we swapped for those and he gave us a free sample of his special-recipe drink—”

Nog continued, “But Uncle Quark said he had to requisition the bottle to cover lost revenue so it was in his bar and Garak must’ve bought some because he drank some and now he’s a lizard!”

“An actual lizard!” Jake set his hands three feet apart to demonstrate. “This big, including his tail.”

“Tail.” The doctor’s smirk vanished. “ _Tail_ —?!”

He darted to the side of the Infirmary and grabbed a case of medical supplies, then fluttered a hand to Jake and Nog. “Lead the way.”

So Jake and Nog and Dr. Bashir sprinted back down the Promenade, dodging people and ducking past Odo, who tried to block their path.

Odo bellowed after them, “No _running_ on the Prom-en- _ade_!”

But, once again, they were already gone.

  
🎈  


Julian burst into the bar with his heart pumping in his throat. He looked around and pinpointed the epicentre of a commotion: a crowd had formed around something interesting. As he hurried closer, half the population cried out and backed up, pushing each other clear of some apparent danger. But then came coos and laughter, and they leaned in again.

“Excuse me; pardon me; Chief Medical Officer coming through,” Julian uttered, easing his way between close-packed bodies.

He made it to the front of the crowd, and looked down to find a stocky greyish-beige lizard with a smooth-scaled body, a dumpy middle, and an affronted look on his face. The lizard tried to march his way out of the circle, and the crowd ran from him like he might bite them – but then they drove him back when they gathered close again.

A flick of a forked tongue shot out and vanished behind a permanent reptilian smirk. Regardless, the lizard did look rather cross. There was something very Garak-y about him. He even had blue eyes.

“Alright, alright, everyone stand clear,” Julian said, trying to herd back the more curious onlookers. He crouched low, put his med kit on the glossy metallic flooring, and stretched out a hand. “Garak...? Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

Rom’s voice increased in volume as he hurried closer: “Don’t worry, brother! I’ve got this under control!”

Julian looked up in time to see a fishing net bobbing over people’s heads, breaking up the crowd as Rom came through. Rom swung the net at Garak, but Julian leapt up and grabbed the pole in a fist before it came down.

“ _If_ you don’t mind,” Julian said coldly, “I think there are kinder ways to oust a customer from a bar, don’t you?”

He turned back to Garak, who’d gone to hide under the dabo table, hugging his tail and pouting.

Julian hobbled down onto his knees and urged in his sweetest, most assuring voice, “It’s okay, Garak. I’ll take you somewhere quiet.” He shot a dark look at Rom over his shoulder. “Where there’s no _nets_.”

Garak glared from the shadows of the table. People were starting to immigrate closer, whispering amongst themselves in excitement. Despite all the usual madness of daily life on this station, fellow bar-goers mutating into small animals was a rare, if not unseen occurrence. Even Odo preferred to stretch out his shapeshifting arms rather than transform into another creature entirely. This was pure novelty.

Julian tilted his head and looked consideratively at his no-longer-Cardassian friend. “I’d offer you my med kit to hide in, but I think that might be a bit small for your liking.”

Garak stuck out his tongue in bitter agreement.

“So...” Julian opened his arms. “I hope you won’t mind if I carry you?”

Garak hesitated. He glanced around, shifty-eyed and embarrassed, but quickly determined that cowering naked under a gambling table while two dozen people ogled him was a far worse situation than being carried by a friend – and in a heartbeat, he’d trotted across the floor, up Julian’s thighs, and hidden his face under his arm. Julian was astonished by the _weight_ of him – apparently the entire mass of his usual form had been condensed into this tiny body. That was good news, anyway; the pathways in his brain were likely still in one piece.

Julian grunted and struggled to his feet, thighs shaking with the effort of holding Garak. At first he cradled him like a baby, then, with some exertion, managed to throw him over his shoulder into a fireman’s lift.

Having let go of a preparatory breath through rounded lips, Julian freed up a hand and clapped his combadge. “Bashir to Infirmary. Two for transport.

“Fair warning: one of us is a lizard.”

  
🎈  


“We started this; we need to finish it,” Nog said, clapping a fist into a palm. His resolve wavered, and he deferred to Jake, looking up at his much-taller figure. “How do we finish this?”

Quark and Rom were busy arguing behind the bar. Quark snatched the net and began to dismantle it, while Rom whined and wailed and defended his choices.

Shooting Nog a determined look, Jake began to sneak his way behind the bar, edging closer and closer to the distracted Quark. Jake let a hand... stretch... out... until... he... took a familiar bottle from the shelf and scampered right out of the establishment with Nog in tow.

They went to hide behind the Promenade’s store directory totem.

Catching their breath, Jake and Nog examined the offending bottle.

“This is the one, right?” Jake checked.

Nog nodded. “Triangle green bottle, blobby neck, label like a hissy snake. It’s the right one.” He soured, folding his arms. “Free samples are supposed to be _good_ , not get you into trouble.”

“We need to find the salesman,” Jake said.

“We can’t get our money back – we didn’t pay anything!”

“No, but it’s faulty goods, so he shouldn’t have given it away at all. If we’re lucky, maybe he knows how to undo the lizard thing. I say we go find him.”

Nog gave a firm nod. “Good idea.”

  
🎈  


The Infirmary doors opened and Jadzia stepped in, looking up from her padd. “You called?”

“Aha!” Julian hastened around the terrarium he’d set up on a table in the middle of the Infirmary. “I need your help. Rather urgently, actually.”

Jadzia stepped up to the translucent tub. “Wasn’t this the same container you used to figure out some criminal cloned himself?”

“It’s Garak’s new home,” Julian said grimly. He turned back to the tub and adjusted the heat lamp over it, giving Garak some more of its nourishing red rays. Garak lay sprawled over a rust-coloured rock in the middle of a leafy mass of green plants. His chin relaxed on the stone, tongue stuck out absent-mindedly.

“ _That’s_ Garak?” Jadzia asked, mesmerised.

“Afraid so. Obviously my number-one priority is to get him back to normal, and I’m still trying to figure out how the hell I can do that. First order of business, though – I need you to tell me what he _is_ so I know what to _do_ with him. All I’ve done so far is find out what people do with lizards usually, but each species is different and I don’t know _how_ long he’s going to be stuck like this. He’s going to get hungry sooner rather than later. And I don’t want to accidentally poison him.”

“Say no more,” Jadzia smiled. “I’ll need a DNA sample.”

“Ditto,” Julian said, giving Garak a pointed look. “I have _told_ him I can’t fix this unless I know what he drank, but Quark tells me the bottle’s mysteriously vanished, and unless I get a fluid sample I’m really quite _stuck_.”

Garak gave a disapproving hum and flicked his tongue. He pried open a single eye to glare at Julian, shuttered a white membrane across it, then closed that eyelid entirely, careless.

Julian narrowed his eyes at his beast of a friend. “Either you surrender some saliva, Garak, or I’m sticking you with a needle.”

Garak frowned, then _grunted_. Plants wafted away, then back.

Julian fetched himself a sample swab and stood next to Garak’s terrarium. “Open up, Garak. I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

Garak lifted his head, then shoulders, and gave Julian a distasteful stare. “Grrm,” he said.

“I’ll just swab your cheek, that’s all!”

“Grrm!”

“Do you _want_ to be stuck like this forever?”

Garak pretended not to hear.

Julian tutted. “Last chance, Garak. Either you give me a sample – or medical ethics be damned. I am _getting_ what Jadzia needs.”

Garak seemed intrigued: one scaly eye-ridge quirked up. He smiled, mouth and eyes still shut. He _dared_ Julian to try something.

“Right.” Julian rolled up his sleeves. “You asked for it.”

He launched a hand out and squashed Garak down to the rock, making him squeal. Garak squirmed and wriggled and snapped at Julian’s stabbing hand, but the moment the swab got into his mouth, he settled and went still, keeping his mouth open, rolling his eyes up and keeping them on the ceiling until Julian was done.

“There.”

Julian handed the sample to Jadzia, who went to a nearby computer to analyse it.

“Sorry,” Julian said gently. He stroked Garak’s ridged forehead a few times, glad to see him relax and sink back to a comfortable position on the rock. “I really am trying to help you, Garak.”

Garak just sighed and shut his eyes to rest. He stuck his tongue out, and let it loll over his scaly lower lip.

“Find anything?” Julian asked Jadzia, strolling up to her computer monitor. He held the back of her chair and leaned in to see her screen.

“See this?” Jadzia pointed to a line of code that only a zoologist could make any sense of. “Cardassian in origin.”

“It’s not his usual DNA, is it?” Julian asked.

“No,” Jadiza replied. “No, this a strain of the _k’mara_ genus, an omnivorous reptile native to a northern sector of Cardassia. Hot environment, definitely... Mostly desert.”

She got lost in the code for another minute or so, muttering to herself and fingering her lips in thought. Then she sniffed and said, “Hmm. Empress regnar, I’d say. They’re popular pets among Cardassian guls, so there’ll probably be some kind of food for his species in the replicator.”

“An empress regnar...”

“They differ from their pocket-size counterparts by the useful addition of decent visual processing ability. But what he gains in sight, he loses in camouflage. He’ll make up for it by acting like a rock.”

“Heavy as one, too,” Julian noted. “Goes fast when he’s got somewhere to be, though.”

“I think in terms of Terran species, he’s probably closest to... eeh, a monitor lizard. Bengal monitor, I’d say.”

Julian, impressed but not surprised that Jadzia knew so much about so many alien species, patted her on the shoulder. “Thank you very much indeed. Now, _I’d_ better start figuring out what he drank. Boop.” He pulled the damp swab out of the analyser and – “Boop!” – put it back. He began the analysis process again, focusing on the non-lizard DNA this time.

“Call me if you need me,” Jadzia said on her way out.

Julian was too distracted to reply.

After a good half-hour of solitary analysis, he had the molecular make-up of the drink all lined up in a computer file. He stood back, rubbed a hand over his mouth, then nodded.

“Alright,” he said to nobody in particular. “That’s something.” But he sighed. “Code is one thing, but I can’t look at this under a microscope, can I? Computer—” the computer bleeped, “transfer code sequence to the Infirmary’s replicator and give me, um... let’s say three-hundred millilitres, in a sealed sample container. Initiate replication.”

The replicator had produced a jar of the stuff before he reached its collection outlet.

The liquid was a very pretty jewel-green, translucent enough that Julian saw the distorted shape of his fingers as he carried the jar to his microscope.

He found a big glass microscope slide and a pipette. He was about to unscrew the jar when a frantic rustle drew his attention away.

“Garak!” Julian fled his science station and hastened to grab Garak before he could fall over the terrarium’s edge and plop to the floor. “For goodness’ sake, stay in your tub! I don’t want to accidentally step on your tail.”

He put the lizard back on the rock, and moved the heat lamp a bit higher in case Garak was too hot. His scales were radiant in Julian’s hands.

Garak complained, “Gaaaaah.”

Julian looked at him sadly. “Unless those claws could pick up a pen and write, Garak, I don’t think there’s much chance I’ll be able to translate.”

Garak hissed and stuck out his tongue.

Julian stuck out his tongue right back.

Garak harrumphed and stomped around in a half-circle, turning his back to Julian.

“Are you hungry?” Julian wondered. When Garak peeked back hopefully over his shoulder, Julian went to the replicator and ordered, “One meal for an empress regnar.”

A bowl of green pellets appeared.

“Hm.” Julian picked up the bowl and sniffed it, then recoiled at the stinging effect its fumes had on his nasal passage. “Better you than me,” he said. Keeping the bowl at arm’s length, he placed it into Garak’s enclosure.

Garak ignored the bowl – but then his nostrils flared and a curious eye turned its way. His tongue lapped at the air a few times, then he waddled off his rock, plopped into the plants, and belly-crawled up to the bowl.

Sniff-sniff...

He dug his nose in and began to munch.

“Okay, good.” Julian put his hands on his hips. “So you’re not about to go hungry.” He smirked. “I won’t tell anyone you forewent the cutlery and napkin.”

Garak grunted a note, lightly amused. He dipped his head further into the bowl to gobble up some more.

Julian went back to his microscope, and reached for the jar.

_Plak!_

Garak had smacked the carpet belly-first.

“Garak!” Julian ran to to pick Garak up, but he writhed to his feet by himself, arching his back and resetting his unhappy limbs. Although relieved Garak was okay, Julian didn’t know what to make of his sudden need to escape the enclosure.

“Too small for you, isn’t it,” he realised. He stood up. “Fine, I’ll let you wander around, but please be _careful_. I don’t want any of my nurses tripping over you.”

Garak looked up at him and said, “Bggrraaah.”

Julian chuckled. “You know, you’re quite cute like this.”

Garak looked about ready to explode with annoyance. “Hggh.”

“Sorry, but it’s true.” Julian turned away. “Now, where was I...?”

Garak charged at his ankle and butted it with tremendous force – Julian did a little hoppity jig to stay upright. He grasped the workstation and turned to glare at Garak, who glared back with just as much determination.

Julian turned his torso to the microscope, but kept his eyes on Garak.

Garak cried, “Graaaah!”

Gosh, he seemed so upset.

Julian sighed, softening. “Look,” he said gently, ”I’ll pay attention to you for another minute, but then I _really_ have to work.”

So he sat cross-legged, cheek in a hand, elbow on his knee, drawing circles and figure-eights on the carpet with a fingertip and watching as Garak chased his finger.

He gave Garak a friendly little scritch behind his head, grinning when Garak closed his inner eyelids in obvious bliss.

But then Julian had to get up, and Garak started crying again.

“I’m sorry, I really am!” Julian sighed. “Listen, why don’t you go and explore the rest of the Infirmary. Here, I’ll make you something so people know you’re coming.”

He went to the replicator and got himself a pink party balloon, once popular on Earth. He filled the balloon from a helium valve in the medical supply cabinet, and tied the opening off with practised precision. He looked around for a marker pen, found one, and held the lid between his teeth as he wrote ‘ _GARAK_ ’ on the balloon’s smooth curve. With a string tied to the balloon’s sealed knot, Julian bowed at the waist and tied the other end to the perplexed but patient Garak.

“There,” Julian said.

Garak ambled a few steps forward. Three feet above him, the pink balloon bobbed with him.

Julian laughed. “Oh, that _is_ a picture.”

He rolled his eyes and made his way back to his work station.

Garak was thankfully distracted: he waddled around awkwardly, trying to pluck the string off his middle with his back claws, and when that failed, he craned his neck and tried to gnaw at it. Yet, he looked up, apparently decided the balloon was a source of delight, and began to hurtle around the Infirmary, watching the balloon follow him.

Julian heard shrieks of surprise and shock from patients and nurses alike, but he tuned it all out, finally opening the jar of the mysterious drink and siphoning a sample into his pipette. He squirted the green stuff onto the glass slide, then leaned down to look at it through his microscope.

He adjusted the focus depth...

Hmm. He could smell something funny.

He sniffed...

Is that what it smelled like? A bit soapy. A bit lemony. Kind of delicious...

He’d be mad to drink it. But his augmented olfactory senses ought to tell him something, right? He picked up the open jar and gave it a good snuffle.

The back of his head started to buzz. He squinted one eye, trying to identify that vaguely rich note in the echo of its aroma. Sort of... perfumey...? He breathed in again...

Funny, the room seemed a bit... big...

And the carpet was a bit close...

And his clothes were a bit wet: the drink had flooded out of the jar and into the puddled fabric once it all sank to the ground.

Julian was now very small. His back hooves were drowning in saggy, soggy sock fabric.

“Damn,” he said, but it came out like someone stepped on a squeaky cat toy.

He didn’t know what he was, but he definitely wasn’t Human anymore.

  
🎈  


“Th-This is the, uh, Chief Executed—”

“Executive.”

“Exec-utive Officer representing the Noh-Jay Consortium.” Nog faced his handheld transmission window and finished his statement with confidence: “Requesting urgent communication with the salesman who made an exchange at Federation Starbase Deep Space Nine last week.”

Nog glanced at Jake, who nodded affirmingly. “ _Good job,_ ” Jake mouthed.

They were crouched together in a dark storage hideaway. Nog’s pointy-toothed grin lit up in pale grey from the screen.

Some ruffling and muttering came through the glitchy blurs from the Sa’ney trader ship, but eventually a fishlike, blubbery-cheeked green alien came into view, wearing a disaffected expression.

Nog cleared his throat. “Greetings, partner. We have a complaint to make.”

The Sa’ney salesman sighed. “ _Look-see here, kiddo. We makey our deals to perfection and I gots a good thing out’ve it. All sales gotcha-gotcha be final, alrighty?_ ”

“No!” Nog burst. “This isn’t about the warp coils. This is about the free drink you gave us.”

The saleman’s eyes lit up – actually lit up, in blue. “ _Eyy! Yous wants to place an order now? Aye, aye! Aye-aye!_ ” The salesman turned to his superior off-screen. “ _Makey a real sale, Captain!_ ”

“No!” Nog squeaked. “No-no-no, we don’t want any more drinks! We want to know how to undo it!”

“ _Undo whats?_ ”

“Someone on this station drank the drink and now he’s a lizard.”

“ _What’s bad?_ ”

“A lizard.” Nog fretted. “It’s a scaly little animal.”

“ _Aye-aye, what’s bad?_ ”

Jake huffed. In response to Nog’s frantic glance, he borrowed the transmission window and turned it towards himself. “Not to be rude or anything, sir, but Garak being a lizard isn’t exactly ideal. My dad’s gonna be _so_ mad. And Nog’s uncle is never gonna let us in the bar again.”

The Sa’ney salesman sniffed and frowned and then tentatively said, “ _Yous don’t wants lizard?_ ”

“No, we don’t wants lizard.”

“ _But why does you accepting free drink then?_ ”

Nog leaned into frame and said, “Because it was free? Never turn down a free sample! Rule of Acquisition two-hundred-and-seventeen.”

“ _Drink_ is _for turning into lizard. Or stripey garbage bear. Or fat houndling, ifs yous be fat baby already._ ”

Nog and Jake looked at each other in horror.

“You’re telling us it’s _meant_ to do that?”

“ _Aye-aye. Is good product._ ”

Jake groaned, head falling into his open hands as Nog wrested back the transmission window, determination doubled.

“Okay,” Nog said. “It’s meant to do that. Tell us how to reverse it.”

“ _Hurk!_ ” The salesman laughed. “ _Hurk-hurkhurk._ ” His chuckles faded into an unnerving leer. “ _Seems to me likes yous pays justa-justa-bout anythinks to undo lizard. I gets yous a reverse lizard drink ifs yous makey me an valuable exchange._ ”

Nog sighed. Jake rolled his eyes.

At this point it didn’t look like they had much choice.

“Fine,” Nog grumbled. “What do you want?”

  
🎈  


“ _Dax to O’Brien._ ”

Miles lifted his thumb from the button of his interphasic coil spanner and glanced down the ladder to check he wasn’t about to slip. He clapped a hand to his badge and replied, “O’Brien here.”

“ _Chief, you’d better get to the Infirmary. We’ve got a bit of a situation. You’re listed as Julian’s next-of-kin and I figure you ought to see this._ ”

Miles’ skin began to crawl. “Is he hurt?” he asked, climbing down the ladder.

“ _No... Nobody's hurt. Not exactly. But Julian’s... ahhh... indisposed._ ”

Miles knew better than to ask questions in public. Whatever was up required a face-to-face conversation. “Be right there.” He ended the communication and packed up his tools. He left the tool case and the ladder where they were, and hurried to the turbolift.

The turbolift opened out on the Promenade. Miles fled the lift and jogged his way towards the Infirmary, mind arace and heart apound. Halfway there Odo reprimanded him for _running on the Promenade_ , so Miles finished his journey at a frantic speedwalk.

He strode into the Infirmary a half-minute later, slightly out of breath— And there he stopped, astounded by the sight before him.

A glowing forcefield had been erected around a medical computer on the far left of the Infirmary, and another around two Bajoran nurses on the far right. A third shone a faint orange around something lumpy and grumpy on the floor, which Miles quickly realised was a Cardassian lizard. There was a pink balloon attached to it.

“What happened here?” Miles asked Jadzia, approaching her turned back.

She stood with one hand on her hips, a padd clutched in her other hand. “Honestly, Chief, I couldn’t tell you. My testing’s at least determined that the condition’s not contagious from person to person—”

“ _Kira to Dax, we’re ready to transport,_ ” came a voice from Jadzia’s combadge.

Jadzia patted her badge. “Acknowledged. Take them whenever you’re ready.”

“ _Alright. Engerising._ ”

Miles watched as the nurses glowed and slowly vanished from the rear of the Infirmary. He startled as a hum grew behind him – he turned around and watched the nurses resolidify on the Promenade. They both sighed in relief, gave each other assuring pats, then went on their way, looking preoccupied.

“ _Now_ all we have to deal with is _this_ ,” Jadiza said, gesturing at the lizard, then at a sudden movement over by the console. Miles took a few steps closer and realised there was another small animal over there, contained in the forcefield, pacing around beside a pile of wet clothes with turquoise accents.

“What _is_ that?” Miles asked.

“That?” Jadzia half-smiled. “That’s Julian.”

Julian perked his head up at the sound of his name, giving Miles a wretched look. Miles exhaled in uncertain horror.

“He’s a dik-dik,” Jadiza said.

“Wh—” Miles bristled. “Listen, Lieutenant, this obviously isn’t an ideal situation, but I don’t think there’s need for name-calling.”

Jadzia’s eyes crinkled and brightened as she smiled. “I say it affectionately, Chief.” She grinned, then shook her head. “No, it’s his classification. He’s a small antelope from Earth. A dik-dik. East- and South-African.”

“Oh. Right.” Miles gulped. “Can I... get closer...?”

“I really wouldn’t recommend it. Seems like Julian got an accidental dose of whatever Garak took, and promptly followed suit while handling the substance. I’d hate for you to do the same. Kira will have them beamed out of here in a minute, but the Infirmary’s going to be out-of-bounds for anyone except a biohazard team until we get this carpet cleaned and the air filtered.”

“Whatever Garak took...?” Miles’ eyes fell to the lizard.

Suddenly he understood. Garak looked up at him with aloof blue eyes, not caring to be subtle about how he stared.

“Dax to Kira. Are we ready to transport the critters yet?”

“ _Where are they going again? Seems a bit mean to cram them in a holding cell. It’s not like they did anything wrong. Julian didn’t, anyway. Garak – maybe. But still._ ”

“I hate it too, but we can’t have tiny animals running free around the station,” Jadzia said. “There was almost a riot going on at Quark’s – people were showing up wanting to ‘see the lizard’. Quark asked me if I could smuggle Garak back so he could start some kind of pay-to-view bartop zoo. These two would be safer in quarantine until we can fix this.”

“What if—” Miles fretted; his stomach churned with excitement and dread. “What if _I_ had them? I could take care of them until we get this all straightened out. I’m Julian’s next-of-kin, so I oughta get a vote. I’m great with animals... _and_ Julian. Plus, I, uh... I had a komodo dragon as a kid. So I know lizards. And an antelope can’t be too different from a dog or a cat or a rabbit, when you get down to it, right? Feed it? Let it run around?”

Jadzia looked like she was trying not to laugh, but nodded seriously. “If Keiko wouldn’t mind, sure.”

Miles bolstered up his torso. “Keiko would get it.”

She wouldn’t. But Miles wasn’t about to let his best friend sleep in a jail cell when there was space in his own home.

“Change of plan, Kira,” Jadzia smiled, eyes set on Garak. “Chief O’Brien’s filing an adoption request, effective immediately.”

Kira huffed in relief. “ _Alright. Good. Good call. Oh— Sisko’s on his way down. He’ll meet you there._ ”

“Acknowledged. Dax out.” Jadzia gave Miles a sidelong smirk.

Miles stuck his hands on his hips. “So,” he said. “How do we do this? Beam them straight to my quarters? Or put ‘em in a box and carry them home?”

  
🎈  


“He’s _what_?” Benjamin’s expression was perfectly poised between amused and furious. “Jad-zia, you’re telling me that my Chief Medical Officer is—” He paused to shut his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose, one arm folded across his middle.

“With any luck, it’s temporary,” Jadzia assured her friend. “I’m working on figuring out how to reverse the change. In the meantime, O’Brien’s taking good care of them.”

“And _Garak_...” Benjamin let his arms slump, looking at the quarantined Infirmary in dismay. “I always knew that wretch would cause this much trouble eventually. Hardly surprising that he takes Bashir down with him.”

“Hey, for all I know, Julian went willingly,” Jadzia joked, hands up. “I left him for twenty minutes and I came back and Garak’s tied to a balloon and Julian’s hobbling around with socks tangled around his hooves. First thing I did was seal off the room in sections. Nurse Jabara told me Julian replicated the stuff himself. But before you blame Garak...” Jadzia let the laughter fade from her expression, catching Benjamin's eyes. “You should know that whatever they drank... I’ve been told Jake and Nog had a hand in it.”

“WhAT!”

“According to Quark, anyway.”

Benjamin seethed, jaw set. His fingers got back to pinching the corners of his eyes as he growled. He inhaled deeply, then smacked his combadge. “Commander Sisko to Jake Sisko.”

A few moments of silence...

Then, tentatively, Jake replied, “ _Dad? Hey, what’s up?_ ”

“Where are you? And is _Nog_ with you?”

“ _Uhh. Why?_ ”

“Answer the question, Jake.”

“ _W... We’re in Cargo Bay Four._ ”

“I want you both to meet me in the wardroom. Pronto.”

Silence.

“Acknowledge the order, Jake.”

“ _Okay, okay, we’re coming._ ”

Jadzia tried not to worry for Jake and Nog, but it was hard not to do; irritation sizzled off Benjamin all the way to their destination, filling the turbolift with static.

Benjamin paced alongside the meeting table in the wardroom, waiting for his son.

The moment Jake and Nog appeared, looking sheepish, Benjamin gestured widely to the table, and the boys sat down side-by-side with their backs to the starlit portholes. They both seemed so petite compared to the size of the room.

“Jake,” Benjamin said, firmly, with a slightly dangerous, slightly encouraging hint of a smile, “Do you have _anything_ to do with the fact Dr. Bashir is now some kind of...” He gestured an empty hand about.

“Antelope,” Jadzia provided, from her seat opposite Jake. “The second-smallest of its kind from Earth.”

Nog’s face drained of its usual rusty colour, turning a sickly peach. His eyes darted to Jake. Jake looked back, setting a hand over his forehead.

Jake sighed. “We’re working on it,” he said quietly. “Dad, I swear, the moment Nog saw what happened to Garak, we started backtracking to get this fixed.”

“So it’s true! I’m down one medical officer because of your... _shen-ani-gans_.”

Jake mumbled, “Yeaaaah, I guess. But it was an accident! If Quark hadn’t taken the bottle from us Garak never would’ve drunk it.”

Bitterly, Nog muttered, “Sometimes what you get for free costs too much. Rule of Acquisition number two-hundred-and-eighteen.”

“Words of wisdom,” Benjamin growled. He leaned his palms on the table, glaring at his son and his son’s friend. “Now,” he said, “you will _both_ be assisting Lieutenant Dax in her attempts to _undo_ this mess. As of now, you have _zero_ responsibilities besides setting your mistakes straight.”

“Okay,” Jake said, head down.

Nog looked emphatically at the commander and nodded. “We’ll do anything we can do to help, sir.”

“You can _start_ by telling us what you know about this ‘bottle’ of yours.”

Jake and Nog glanced at each other, and then the truth came pouring out: “He wants priority storage permission for the Cargo Bay!”

“He wants to ship this stuff to the Gamma Quadrant by the ton! They said they’ll trade an antidote for storage space!”

Jadzia leaned forward. “Wait. Who? Who wants to trade?”

Nog pleaded, “The Sa’ney salesman!”

“Dad, do you remember last week when the environmental systems were on the fritz?”

Jadzia grinned. “I think we all remember, Jake. I hadn’t seen your dad in a hat-and-scarf combo since that winter we spent in the Albanian Alps. You might’ve been too young to remember. But ohh, we had fun.”

Jake didn’t pause to smile. “Chief O’Brien needed new tubing to fix the systems, and Nog was on a countdown to get the stuff, and we had to trade— Doesn’t matter what. But we got some warp coils from the salesman, and exchanged them for some second-hand tubing out of that Bolian ship that was being taken apart in the Cargo Bay. The Chief fixed the environmental systems. And the salesman gave us a free sample of his drink before he and his crew disembarked. Quark took it to cover the financial loss from the bar’s closure when the whole place was freezing over. That’s it! That’s all that happened.”

Benjamin slowly sat down next to Jadzia, a hand boxed around his chin. He seemed more intrigued than angry now.

“The salesman is willing to give us the antidote,” Nog said. “We were trying to figure out how to negotiate with him when you called us here.”

“We weren’t going to just _give_ him the storage space,” Jake said, looking wilfully at his father. “Promise. Not that we have the authority to grant that kind of permission, anyway,” he added.

Jadzia leaned towards Benjamin to say, “The morality of Sa’ney business practises could give the Ferengis’ a run for their money. I’d say we’re better off trying to formulate our own antidote.”

“Yes,” Benjamin said slowly, eyes on the guilty-looking Jake. “At all costs, anyone _sensible_ would avoid dealing with a _Sa’ney coil salesman_.”

Jake sank down in his seat.

Benjamin gave Jadzia a nod. “Get to work, Lieutenant.” He stood. “Jake, Nog: whatever Dax needs, you’ll provide. But—” He paused, about to leave. “Jake. I want you home before bedtime.”

Jake smiled.

Benjamin smiled back, winked, then left.

  
🎈  


“Honeyyyy,” Miles called as he entered his front door. “Molly?”

Keiko poked her head out of the bedroom doorway, drying locks of wet black hair on a pink towel. “Hey, Miles. Ooh, what’ve you got?”

Miles carried two antigrav boxes under his arms. “A, uh... present. For Molly.”

Keiko beamed, calling to Molly. “Daddy brought you something! Let’s go look, huh?”

Molly trotted out of the bedroom in excitement, and her mouth opened when she saw the boxes had breathing holes poked in their tops. “Is it alive?” she asked, coming close.

Keiko’s face shaded with trepidation. “Oh, no,” she uttered. “It’s not another tarantula, is it?”

“Neither of them have more than four legs, I’ll tell ya that much,” Miles said, setting the boxes one by one on the carpet. “And with any luck, we won’t have to look after them for that long. Dax is working on an antidote. They’ll be back living in their own quarters in no time.”

“Quarters— These are _people_?”

With a lifted lid, the lizard and his balloon were revealed. Garak blinked rapidly in the sudden light. He flicked out his tongue and gazed in interest at Molly, who sat down cross-legged by the box to pet him.

“Ah— Molly, maybe be careful with that one,” Miles warned, gently easing Molly’s arm back with the back of his hand.

Keiko reached to rotate the pink balloon that bobbed above the box. She saw the label, and exclaimed, “Garak?!”

Miles shot his wife an apologetic smile.

Keiko groaned, hands over her face. She peeked out and looked at the other box in trepidation. “Who’s in that one?”

Miles lifted the lid, and a little brown deer-like creature popped its head out, squeaking once.

“Heya, Julian,” Miles said. “Welcome to your new home.”

Keiko breathed heavily to calm herself.

Julian leapt out of the box and stumbled over his own stick-thin limbs, but danced and pranced his way to a standing position. He had small, pointy black horns that curved back over his head, a long furry nose with one shrew-like nostril at the end, and familiar green-brown eyes. “Heep,” he said.

“Graah.” Garak replied.

Garak wrapped his talons around the edge of his box and began to heave himself out. His plump belly scraped the lip of the opening and the whole container toppled over, dumping the lizard with a smack on the carpet. Garak recovered with surprising grace, and marched off towards the pink couch, tail swishing, balloon bumbling along above him.

Molly was delighted by this, and followed Garak, then turned to see where Julian had gotten to.

But Miles couldn’t find him either.

“Julian?” Miles looked around. He got up in a hurry. “Julian? Where’d you go?”

Keiko sighed in defeat and went back to the bedroom to dry her hair.

Miles scanned the room for signs of movement, but kept finding Garak and no Julian.

“Julian, for God’s sake, you’ve been here one _minute_ ; how are you lost already?”

The tiny brown figure tiptoed out from behind the couch. “Heek,” he said.

“ _There_ you are,” Miles said crossly. “Stay put, dammit.” He went to get a balloon from the replicator, then replicated a cannister of helium the size of his thumb in order to fill it. He found a pen in a drawer, and with great attention to clarity, wrote ‘ _JULIAN_ ’ on the balloon.

He went to Julian, who’d obediently stayed put. He knelt and tied the balloon around Julian’s waist and chest like a harness.

“Blimey,” Miles uttered, as he tightened the string. “You’re only halfway up my shin. Good thing Garak’s still Garak and not an actual monitor lizard, huh? Otherwise I’d be worried you’d end up as his dinner.”

Julian gave Miles an embarrassed look. He stayed cowering partially behind the couch, even once Miles let him go.

“What, what’s wrong?” Miles asked.

Julian continued to look embarrassed. He glanced pointedly downwards, then back to Miles.

Miles shrugged. “What, you want some clothes, or something?”

Julian nodded a bit.

Molly piped up: “Ooh, I can give him my big teddy dress!” She ran off to fetch it.

Julian opened his mouth like he had some argument to make, but Garak caught his gaze from across the room, and Julian shut up, rolling his eyes.

Miles stood back, halfway between uncomfortable and on the verge of laughter as he watched his daughter help his miniature antelope friend into a frilly dress.

“To be fair, Julian,” Miles said, hands on his hips, “it’s kind of a good look on you.”

Julian looked back at himself, lifting each hoof in turn to admire his new outfit. He shrugged. He glanced at Garak, then tried to walk but ended up pronking his way over, bouncing with back feet and front feet together. He stood in front of the startled empress regnar, and did a little four-footed pitter-patter twirl.

Garak stuck out his forked tongue in disgust. But then he smiled, eyes hooding in affection. “Gah,” he said, one eye-ridge rising. Their balloons touched, and got stuck together with static.

“Alright, alright, enough,” Miles said, shooing Julian away from Garak and breaking their balloon kiss with a gentle karate chop. He glanced at Molly. “Any chance you’ve got something to fit Garak?”

Garak hissed and scuttled under the couch, leaving his balloon wedged against the floor. The couch then hissed.

Julian laughed, which came out as a very shrill squeak. He shot Miles a ‘ _don’t even try, mate,_ ’ kind of look.

“Figures,” Miles uttered. “Couldn’t get a _tailor_ into anything replicated.” He tutted at the grumpy couch. “Well, I’m not having some middle-aged Cardassian man lounging around in my quarters naked, alright. You’re putting _something_ on.”

“Miles, he’s a lizard,” Keiko said, coming into the living room, hair tied up in a bun now. “I really don’t think it matters what he wears.”

Miles grumbled. “At least Julian’s still got some concept of decency.”

Then again, he questioned that statement a moment later: Julian pranced around the room at fill tilt, trying to headbutt his balloon. Molly chased after him, giggling.

Keiko smiled. “Cute.”

Miles snuck up to his wife and slung a hand around her waist. “Thought you hated when I bring animals home.”

Keiko gave him a hello kiss at last. “Well, they’re not really animals, are they?” she reasoned. “Just some funny-looking friends.”

“Exactly!” Miles opened his hands to her. “That’s what the tarantula was as well!”

Keiko slowly winced. “How about,” she said, trying to smile, “we have an early dinner. You don’t have to get back to work, do you?”

 _BLAM_.

Miles hurried to see what the noise was. He found Julian in a jumbled heap on the carpet, looking forlorn. A saggy turquoise puddle of rubber lay across his horns. He shook the burst balloon off him, then huffed at the sheer indignance.

Molly tutted. “Poor Uncle Julian.” She looked up at Miles. “Daddy, I don’t think he knew he had horns.”

Miles chuckled. “How about I get you two a mirror?”

“While you do that,” Keiko said, “I’m replicating dinner. What do Garak and Julian eat?”

“Dax gave me a list. Hang on.”

He took a small mirror from a bathroom drawer and went to prop it against the couch base. Garak snuck out from under the couch and ambled closer, and Julian trit-trotted over too.

While the beasts were occupied, Miles showed Keiko a padd with the list.

“Alright,” Keiko said. “We’ll do Julian a berry salad and Garak can have his pellets.”

She looked over at the pair, who were shouldering each other out of the way so they could get a better look at themselves. Julian wanted to see his own butt under the hem of his dress, madly wiggling the barely-there tab of his tail, while Garak seemed concerned about the shape of his belly, sitting up and stroking it.

“Hey, you two!” Keiko called. “Are you eating at the table or do I need to find you a picnic blanket?”

“Gaaaah, grmm.”

“Heek-heeekheee,” Julian agreed.

Keiko looked over at Miles in puzzlement.

Miles chortled. “I’ll find some cushions for the chairs.”

  
🎈  


Just as evening turned to night, Dax arrived carrying a medical case, with assistants Jake and Nog in tow. Keiko’s eyebrows shot up as she found them all at the doorstep, but she smiled and let them all in.

“Any luck?” Keiko asked.

Jake held back a yawn and shrugged.

Dax answered, “We’ve got the biometric formula of the drink down-pat. Now we know how it works, we can figure out how to make something to counteract it.”

“Wow, good progress,” Keiko said.

“We just need some DNA samples to experiment on,” Nog said, eyeing the room. His gaze settled on the pair of balloons hovering over the dining table.

Garak was up there on the tabletop, reading from a padd with his forelegs tucked under him like a cat’s, while Julian bounced over a chair seat again and again, back and forth from carpet to carpet, trying to clear the entire hurdle without touching it with a hoof.

Keiko led the new guests to the table. “Alright, you two, who’s first?”

Garak looked up, smacking his lips like a sour taste had suddenly filled his mouth. “Grr.”

“Julian?” Dax smiled down at the dik-dik. “I need a blood sample.”

Sprightly as ever, Julian leapt onto the chair seat, then up onto the table. He gave a great body-shake, rustling his dress back and forth violently.

Nog and Jake exchanged a look, then snickered behind their hands. Julian glared at them, and continued to glare at them as Dax carefully pried up the back of his dress and thumbed some of his fur against the growth.

Jake pulled a sterile hypo-needle from the case open on the table. Nog set the needle up, then handed it to Dax.

Dax checked the hypo-needle’s settings, then pressed its nozzle to Julian’s rump. “Relax,” she said.

Julian’s glare became a flinch – and he squealed, thin legs starting to shake. “Heeeeeeeeeee-heheee,” he cried.

Keiko rushed to be with him, holding him gently as Dax filled her vial with blood. For a Human it would’ve been barely anything, but for a body so small...? With his mass so highly pressurised? Poor thing.

Miles came running from the bedroom, saw what was going on and froze where he stood, desperate not to interfere.

Finally, the ordeal was over, and Julian collapsed into Keiko’s hands. He was so heavy that she had to lay him down and slide her hand free, but she stroked behind his stiff ears a few times. Julian sniffed and hid his face against his front knees, tears sliding down his nose.

Dax sighed. “Sorry, Julian.”

The smiles had vanished from Nog and Jake’s faces. Nog looked like he was about to cry himself.

“Now you,” Dax said, beckoning to Garak.

Garak hissed, eyes darting to Julian, then back to Dax.

“Look,” Dax said gently, “either you give me a blood sample or you pee in a cup. Or the chances are you’re staying somebody’s pet forever.”

Garak pouted, but begrudgingly got to his feet. He plodded closer, wincing every few steps since he knew what would happen once he reached the other end of the table. The balloon followed, equally reluctant.

Garak came level with Julian, and purposefully stroked him with his tail as he passed. Julian sighed a little in relief.

Then Garak tucked himself into a ball, hiding his face under his claws, but stayed in Dax’s space so she could do what needed to be done.

He didn’t make a sound, but Keiko saw his claws slowly tighten into fists.

Miles moved to stand by Keiko, one hand placed on Julian’s vulnerable body.

“All done,” Dax murmured. “Thank you, Garak. That was very brave of you.”

Garak stayed curled in a ball.

Dax cocked her head and led the boys away, shooting Keiko a thank-you glance before they left.

“I’mma get you both a snack,” Miles said, his voice weary. “Get your strength back up.”

Even with bowls of edibles beside the unhappy patients, the offerings went neglected for almost a minute. Julian eventually lifted his sorry head and licked at a raspberry. Garak, hearing Julian take that raspberry and burst it on his tongue, uncurled from his defensive position. He thwacked the bowl of pellets, sending them scattering across the table. He then began to lap them up, one-by-one, but stopped after about ten.

He stopped because Julian had tottered over to him and slumped down beside him, nuzzling his soft forehead under Garak’s scaly chin. A soft and positive-sounding squeak came out of Julian, and Garak, after a shuddered exhale of shock, responded with a rattly, reptilian purr.

They moved their heads back enough that their eyes met. It was hard to tell if Julian smiled, but Garak definitely smiled back.

Keiko took Miles’ arm and led him away, preventing him from saying anything untoward. If Julian and Garak could seek comfort from each other, it hardly mattered how ill-suited they were as a pair. Frankly, if they could make each other smile even in this dire situation, maybe they were a better fit than Miles always insisted.

Miles went back into the bedroom, mind occupied.

Keiko stayed in the living room but gave Garak and Julian privacy, pretending to read a book while watching them.

They stayed curled together, a stirred-up yin-yang coil of light and dark, hard and soft, vulnerable and strong. Their balloons remained in contact, drifting together in phantom drafts, twisting around each other, then back the other way.

Their written names pressed together. J against K. G to N.

  
🎈  


After nearly an hour, Julian yawned, shaking himself out of a nap. He got to his feet and bleated at Garak to wake up.

Garak hadn’t gone to sleep, but peeked open an eye anyway. “Hm?” he asked.

Julian squeaked playfully and launched himself from table to chair and then to the floor.

Garak set his head up, scowling at Julian.

Julian pranced back and forth, wanting attention.

Garak huffed. He got up. He slumped to the end of the table and plopped down to the chair, then to the carpet.

Julian flounced and danced and pronked around Garak in circles, apparently being as annoying as possible until Garak snapped at him – and Julian was off running, Garak chasing him at full-tilt.

Keiko yelped and lifted her feet up to safety as Julian and Garak played chase around the room. Balloons lagged far behind them, stuttering along the carpet as they shot from corner to corner, up and down on the furniture.

Julian shrieked for joy.

Garak, although more lethargic than his antelope companion, chuckled in response, and set his head down to power across the room and back, waddling fast and becoming a bold streak of grey on the dark floor.

Julian liked to run in zig-zags, which made catching him a challenge for Garak, but twice – three times! – Garak slammed into Julian’s side or caught claws in the lace of his dress and took him down. Julian just wriggled free – Garak let him – and Julian bounced away again, looking back to check he was being chased.

There were dents in all the sofa cushions now. Pellets littered the floor. One berry had been squashed on a chair. And Keiko remained huddled on the couch, dizzy from watching them run, tense from the fear of getting scratched or used as a launching pad if she put her feet back to the floor.

The madness only lasted a couple of minutes, as energy was limited – and Julian finally noticed the squashed berry splatter and probably felt bad for making a mess.

Now Julian collapsed dramatically onto the carpet, his middle bulging and deflating as he panted for breath. The dress had torn off somewhere along the way, yet he didn’t seem bothered.

Garak ambled up close and fell into a sideways roll, flumping onto his back with his scaly belly exposed and his claws hanging over him, shifting with each heave of his lungs.

Their balloons hung together, showing no such signs of fatigue.

Miles chose this moment to emerge from the next room, now dressed for bed. “You coming, honey?”

Keiko set aside her padd and finally put her feet to the floor. “Let’s put them to bed, first. I think they wore themselves out.”

“What the hell were they doing?” Miles asked, discovering more food mess on the carpet than Molly ever made when she was experimenting with solids.

“Playing,” Keiko smiled.

“Huh,” Miles said, softly surprised.

Miles rolled out the terrarium they’d beamed in from the Infirmary, switching on the heat lamp. Garak wasn’t a fan of the container, even with it being as wide as it was, but he allowed Miles and Keiko to very carefully lift him as a team, extricating him from Julian’s side and depositing him onto his rock.

By the time Keiko turned to get Julian, the dik-dik had already gone to curl on the couch like a cat.

“Goodnight,” Keiko said gently, turning out the lights.

Miles gave Julian one last scritch behind the ears. “Dax’ll fix this,” he promised. “Just you wait.”

Keiko was sure, just for a moment, that Julian looked disappointed.

  
🎈  


Now it was dark in the room. The stars shone beyond the portholes. The O’Briens had gone to bed.

Maybe Julian shouldn’t have taken a nap earlier. He couldn’t sleep.

Although he retained his Human thought processes, there was something comfortably simple about life now. It was as if a snug blanket of carefree living had cloaked him warm, and he let it embrace him, at a loss for anything else to do.

A dik-dik was, of course, a prey animal – but Julian’s higher knowledge informed him he was safe here. So he became a dik-dik in every sense but one: he lacked the constant existential fear that would plague such a small, unarmed creature.

So for him, life as a dik-dik was pretty good, actually.

Except for one thing.

As Julian understood from his evening research – an activity mildly impeded by the fact his cloven hooves didn’t register as a poke on his padd screen unless he made multiple attempts – dik-diks didn’t have herds, or packs, or whatnot.

But they did have one special friend who they loved very much. A dik-dik in the wild would hang around solely with its mate. They’d breed, then run their grown offspring into a new territory and start over.

Julian, alone on the couch, started to feel very lonely.

Garak was over there, three feet up in a glowing red tank. Julian couldn’t hear him snoring but that didn’t mean he wasn’t asleep...

Dik-diks had a built-in cooling system. Julian could survive a night under a heat lamp, surely.

He dropped down off the couch and crept cautiously across the living room, eyes on his destination. His heart went a-pitter-patter, wondering what Garak would think of him. How _silly_ it was that he didn’t want to sleep alone.

Julian froze halfway there, however. Garak shifted in his enclosure; the balloon bobbed.

Well, if Garak was awake, Julian couldn’t just hop in there with him, could he? At least if he’d been asleep it wouldn’t be so awkward to sneak in and lie next to him.

Unwilling to be judged, Julian turned away.

But then he turned back, hearing the grunt of a lizard exerting himself.

Garak crawled off the edge of his terrarium, grappling a few times for the edge of a dining chair. Very carefully, he levered himself onto the back of the chair, balanced there, tail swaying as his body rocked unstably – then he sliiiiiiiid his way down the chair and to its seat. The balloon got stuck, but the chair tipped back and the balloon disappeared under the table.

Julian supposed Garak wanted to sleep somewhere less closed-in, even if it was beyond the heat lamp’s range. Again, Julian made his way back to the couch, disappointed. He’d been looking forward to feeling warm.

“Graah.”

Julian glanced over his shoulder.

Garak stood in a patch of starlight on the carpet, gazing calmly at Julian.

“Hee?” Julian asked. _What’s wrong?_

Garak made a slow beeline for Julian.

Julian stayed put, keeping his back to Garak but watching him approach.

Garak slunk up and stroked Julian shoulder-to-tail as he coiled around him, purring that rattly purr of his.

Julian’s heart fluttered. “Hee.”

Garak stood before him, smiling gently. He shut his eyes and gave Julian’s chin a friendly headbutt.

“Ggrrhhhh.” Garak snuggled into Julian’s side, then turned away, heading for the couch. He glanced back, cocked his head invitingly, then led the way.

Julian followed, uncertain. Did Garak leave his enclosure just to join Julian? Had they met in the middle by accident or by design?

Garak claw-walked his way up the couch, poking holes in the fabric as he went. His tail swept over the seat.

Julian stood on his back legs briefly to see onto the couch. Garak padded around, then curled up in the warm spot Julian had left behind.

“Graah.” Garak opened up his posture a little, showing that there was room for Julian next to him.

Julian’s dik-dik instincts didn’t even consider hesitation. He hopped up, then plopped sideways onto Garak and snuggled into him, letting go of a long, squeaky sigh of delight.

Garak lay his chin over Julian’s head, licked his ear, then exhaled all his breath and settled in to sleep.

  
🎈  


Dax stood alone at the O’Briens’ door an hour before automated daybreak, the back of her hand over her mouth to cover a deep yawn.

Keiko opened the door, messy-haired and puffy-eyed. “Hey,” she said in surprise.

“Got it,” Dax said triumphantly, waggling a vial of antidote in her fingers. “Where are they?”

“Come in!” Keiko shut the door once Dax entered.

Miles was awake now too, tying a robe around himself. He perked up when he surmised what kind of gift Dax had brought. “Oh, _nice_.” He looked around the room. “Alright, where’d Julian get to?”

Keiko checked Garak’s terrarium, but frowned when it was empty. She turned off the heat lamp, then pried up a hollow rock and sifted through the foliage, but had to turn to Dax and shake her head.

“Julian?” Miles searched the couch. He even lifted a few cushions, but found no critters underneath.

“Where are their balloons?” Dax wondered. She searched the room for a semi-translucent blob of pastel pink or turquoise, but neither presented itself.

Miles glanced at Keiko in worry. “You don’t think they wandered off, do you? Or someone took them? Quark wouldn’t be above kidnapping them, would he...”

Keiko didn’t know how to answer. Either occurrence seemed possible.

“Can they open doors?” Dax wondered, eyes on the door to the guest room.

“Not that we saw,” Miles said, gathering with Keiko and Dax, also looking towards the door. “But they were plenty resourceful. Maybe they figured it out.”

Together the trio approached. Miles patted the wall sensor and the doors hissed open.

Even in the dark, it was clear the room’s twin-size bed was occupied.

Keiko saw a completely Human, completely naked Julian snug and sound-asleep in the arms of a shockingly bare-chested Garak, curled up together in a position unusual for Humanoid partners and more common for cats in a basket. They shared a tangled blanket, thankfully providing them some modesty. Their balloons were still attached to them, but sagged as the helium slowly escaped.

Keiko immediately turned and pushed Miles back out before he stuttered too loudly and woke the couple up. Dax followed, grinning.

The doors closed again.

“How— Wha—” Miles grasped at nothing, hands opening and closing. “They were animals!”

Dax pondered. “You know what,” she said, her voice cracking with a fatigued smile, “I think the concoction they drank just... wore off.”

“Ugh.” Keiko put her hand on Dax’s arm. “Sorry you went to all the trouble of making an antidote we didn’t even need.”

“Oh, please, it was fun,” Dax grinned. “Got to spend time with Jake, and got to know Nog pretty well, too. They’re good boys. If foolhardy.”

Miles palmed his curly hair back. “So what kinda garbage antidote was that Sa’ney snake trying to sell those kids, anyway, if we didn’t need one to begin with?”

“Probably none,” Dax reasoned. “Either way we got cheated. Still – all’s well that ends well, no?”

“So says you.” Miles grunted and rubbed his eyes. “They were sleeping on opposite sides of the room,” he grumbled to himself. “They barely touched before. And now they’re all—” He gestured to the closed door. “Cuddly.”

Keiko patted her husband assuringly. “At least they’ll be happy, Miles.”

Miles, for all his protests against this particular match, tilted his head and relaxed as he inevitably concurred.

  
🎈  


Jake and Nog swung their feet, heels kicking the upper level of the Promenade, hands and chins hung on the metal barrier.

Down below in the Replimat, Garak and Julian sat opposite each other at a table for two, enjoying their lunch, evidently back to normal.

Jake and Nog usually spent all their time up here watching hundreds of people go by, but today they only watched _those two_.

“They seem fine,” Nog said tentatively, blue fingernails tapping together.

Jake had to agree. “So the drink _wasn’t_ really poison, was it?”

“Guess not.”

“Not dangerous at all, huh.”

“Kind of _fun_ , maybe.” Nog gave Jake a hopeful look. “What animal do you think you’d be?”

“I dunno. Never thought about it.”

“I’d be a Ferengi water slug,” Nog said with confidence. “Small, yet majestic.”

Jake chuckled. He kept his eyes on the couple, who poked at their food but didn’t really eat it. They seemed more interested in talking, and grazing their hands together as if by accident. Julian rested his cheek on a palm just so he could stare at Garak and smile dazedly while Garak spoke.

“I’d probably be some kind of bird,” Jake said. “I like seeing things from above. Maybe that’s why I like reading so much. A hawk? Nah, a kestrel.”

“Want to bet?” Nog asked. He grinned his toothiest grin.

“Aww, nooohh,” Jake complained, face crumpling. “Don’t talk me into it, Nog, you’ll get us both in trouble.”

“Trouble wasn’t so bad,” Nog said. “I really liked helping Dax out.”

“Same.” Jake smiled. “But boy, am I glad it’s over. I’m _exhausted_.”

Nog rested his chin on the barrier again, watching the view. “How much trouble do you think we could feasibly get into without ruining everything?”

Jake groaned. “Don’t even ask. I have _no_ idea what’s gonna happen when they realise what’s stored in Cargo Bay Four. Dad’s gonna figure out I lied to him and then all hell breaks loose.”

“You didn’t lie to him,” Nog said. “You were creative with the truth. Uncle Quark would be proud of you. Garak would be proud of you. _I’m_ proud of you.”

“Nog, I said we wouldn’t give away the station’s storage space to house tons and tons of Sa’ney product, and we already _had_! That’s not ‘creative’, it’s just rude.”

“We didn’t _give it away_ ,” Nog retorted. “So you didn’t lie. We made a legitimate and profitable exchange.”

Jake grumbled, “Not gonna be profitable unless we can actually sell that stuff. Who’d want to buy it, anyhow?”

“Puh! Now we know its effects are harmless and only last, what? – eighteen to twenty hours? – I think lots of people would want it. _I_ wanna see what animal I’d be.”

“Okay. Slug.”

“I’d be the best slug.”

“Not if I’m a kestrel and I _eat_ you.”

Nog hissed at his friend.

Jake laughed and gave him a shove. “I won’t eat you.”

Nog beamed.

Jake set his heels back to the carpet and pulled himself up on the barrier. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s at least take inventory of our stock. _Then_ we’ll figure out what to do.”

“Inventory!” Nog got up. “I’m good at that.”

“I know you are,” Jake said. He slung his long arm around his friend’s shoulders, and they went on their way.

  
🎈  


“I can’t really tell _what’s_ wrong with it,” Julian said morosely, poking again at his uneaten lunch. “It tastes fine, I suppose. I just don’t want to eat it.”

Garak stirred his equally-unfinished soup. “Perhaps the replicators are malfunctioning.”

Julian glanced around at the other customers at the Replimat, and shook his head. “Everyone else seems happy enough. I think it’s just us.”

“Hmm.” Garak pulled the napkin from his collar and lay it beside his bowl. “Some after-effects of our little escapade, no doubt.”

“I hope it’s not permanent...”

“Oh, I doubt it,” Garak smiled. “And even if it were, I’m sure Lieutenant Dax could rescue us in a matter of hours.”

Julian sulked, resting his cheek heavily on a palm. “You know what I want, Garak? Berries.”

He expected Garak to laugh, but instead Garak’s eyes widened and he leaned in, whispering, “Doctor! I thought it mad to say it aloud but – I too find myself... oh, it’s horrendously embarrassing, but—”

“Pellets?”

“I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything else this morning.”

Julian sank an inch in relief. “I thought I’d had some kind of taste-bud renaissance and just remembered that I _like_ berries. But I’m— I’m sort of craving them. Madly.”

Garak glanced around at the dining crowd. “Perhaps,” he said out of the corner of his mouth, “it might be best if you and I enjoyed our luncheon in the privacy of my quarters. Where nobody might judge us for eating _pet_ food.”

Julian grinned, head down. “Sounds good to me.”

They stood together, eyes meeting.

“Besides,” Julian said softly, as they turned from the table and walked shoulder-to-shoulder back to the Promenade, “can’t hurt, can it, spending a little time together. In private?”

“Certainly it can’t,” Garak agreed spiffily. A smile curled along his mouthline, and he gave Julian a lizard-like stare. Julian half-expected ghostly inner eyelids to snap across.

Julian licked his lips, pacing along beside Garak as they made their slow way to a distant turbolift. “It’s not silly, is it, if I said I had _fun_ with you yesterday?”

“Oh, not at all. I rather had the time of my life, myself. There were parts I found... hm, less gratifying; but overall, my dear doctor – quite, _quite_ enjoyable.”

Julian grinned, putting a giddy hop in his step. He realised he’d skipped like a child, and promptly stopped. But then he decided, “Oh, to hell with it,” and grabbed Garak’s hand. “Tag,” he said. “You’re it.”

And he ran off, laughing.

Garak called after him, “Doctor, what is ‘tag’? And ‘it’? What am I now?”

“Chase me, you old lizard!” Julian called, jogging backwards, twenty feet away.

Garak hummed a happy note, and with a puff of breath released and redrawn in preparation, a casual stroll became a veritable scamper.

Julian let him catch up, but then darted away in a zig-zig, presenting Garak an enlivening challenge. Garak gave chase with the energy of a far younger man... or perhaps a lizard who rarely got out of his enclosure and wanted to seize every available moment.

They spiralled around people and ducked behind pillars, Julian shrieking when he almost got caught, Garak barking a note of satisfaction when he finally grabbed Julian around the waist and slammed him into the Promenade’s directory totem.

Out of breath, they hung on each other’s lips, hands in hair, grins fluttering.

They kissed, _almost_ by accident.

And they separated entirely on purpose, just so Garak could run away this time and Julian could come after him.

  
🎈  


Someone’s hoots and hollers disturbed the peace to such a great degree that Odo strutted out of his office, hands locked behind his back, deeply suspicious.

His eyes narrowed and his lip quirked in disgust when he saw two grown men hurtling their way along the walkway, up and down, around and around. Garak and Dr. Bashir paused and laughed and threw themselves into some bizarre public show of affection, mouths together, and Odo considered that he might allow that, if sourly – but then the pair began to gallop around again and Odo was _not_ having it.

“ _No_ ,” he snapped, marching over. “Running!”

Bashir and Garak were doing exactly that.

“On the—”

They were on Odo’s other side now. Julian giggled; Garak snatched for Bashir’s arm—

“Prom – en – _ADE_!”

Finding himself ignored, Odo transformed himself into a roaring Breen mammoth, complete with ululating vocal chords, a triple chin, and shaggy fur down to the floor. Garak and Bashir stopped dead. As did everyone else. Garak slowly took Bashir’s hand without looking.

Mammoth Odo harrumphed, then turned back into his usual smooth-featured Humanoid self, arms folded.

Dr. Bashir gulped. “S-So terribly sorry, Odo,” he rasped.

Garak put on a tight smile. “Our sincerest apologies. We—”

Quark came jogging out of the bar, a gleeful look in his eyes. “That!” he exclaimed. “That’s _exactly_ what I need. Listen, Odo, I’ll give you five bars of gold-pressed latinum to do that again in the bar at peak time.”

Odo turned his gaze to the Ferengi. “What.”

“Four bars,” Quark corrected. “The fact is, Odo, ever since Garak was lizard-ified at lunchtime, everyone’s been asking to see someone else transform into an animal. It’s a big hit! Now, between you-me, I’d give anything to get that missing bottle back, but in the meantime—” He took Odo’s shoulders in his hands. “Do me a favour. Be a lizard. Or a big scary monster. Whatever you like. And I’ll owe you.”

Odo batted Quark’s hands away. “I’ll do no such thing.” He squinted. “Missing _bottle_ , you say...?”

“Un _belieeee_ vably valuable,” Quark said. “And I got it for free, can you imagine?! They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, and _oh_ , how it hurts when it’s true.”

“Hmph!” Odo recalled an unscheduled shipment of bottles being logged into a Cargo Bay within the last day. They’d seemed unremarkable upon inspection, but the snake on the label did seem suspicious in hindsight... “I wonder...”

Odo glanced towards Dr. Bashir and Garak, but found to his annoyance that they’d snuck off. They were quite some distance down the Promenade by now, still holding hands, shooting nervous glances back this way.

They ducked into a turbolift together, starting to laugh.

“So?” Quark looked up at Odo hopefully. “What d’ya say, Odo? What’s a little animal transformation between friends?”

Odo chortled, smirking as he thought about how ‘a little animal transformation’ had altered Bashir and Garak’s relationship seemingly overnight. “Quite a lot, I’d imagine.” He glared down at the barkeeper, somewhat fondly. “How about I make you a counter-offer, Quark.”

Quark rubbed one of his overlarge earlobes between a thumb and finger. “I’m listening.”

Odo craned down and poked Quark on the chest. “I get you a bottle of that stuff you’ve been looking for. And you – owe – _me_.”

Quark’s grin had never grown so fast. “Deal.”

“Oh, _really_.”

“Really.” Quark turned away wearing a happy sneer. “You make me a happy man, Odo!”

Odo made a disgruntled yet secretly-delighted noise.

  
🎈  


“What a fine feast _that_ was,” Garak said, patting his mouth free of leftover pellet crumbs. He glanced up at Julian, who was trying to lick a smudge of berry off the corner of his mouth. “Oh, let me...”

Garak leaned over the table and caught Julian’s chin on gentle fingers, holding his eyes as he wiped his lips clean for him.

The napkin lowered, but their eye contact remained.

“Do you know, doctor,” Garak said softly, “there’s something else I find myself missing. Not only from our exploits yesterday, but... perhaps from regular life, as well.”

“Hmm?” Julian slipped a hand over Garak’s, toying with it. “Any chance it’s a helium balloon? Because, frankly, I wouldn’t mind a few of those bopping around in the Infirmary. Would liven the place up a bit.”

Garak chuckled, but shook his head. “If I may be permitted...” He stood, keeping his hand on Julian’s cheek. “I’d be most honoured if you’d join me in the bedroom, doctor.”

Julian’s face flushed with heat, but the twinkle of amusement in his eyes let Garak know he understood the implication was a joke. But on the face of it, the request was perfectly plain.

Julian got to his feet too, and nodded.

They went in single-file into Garak’s dark, hot room, hands joined.

They lay down in simmering desert heat. Julian shuffled up close, smiling as he nuzzled his nose under Garak’s chin.

Garak wrapped both arms around his mate.

“I think,” Garak murmured into Julian’s tousled hair, “we owe young Molly some replacement teddy-bear clothes.”

“Something more fashionable?”

“ _Oh_ , like you wouldn’t believe.”

Julian laughed, wriggling into an even tighter cuddle. “How come you didn’t get all fussy about having no clothes on?”

“How was it that you _did_?” Garak wondered. “You were covered in fur. I was covered in a thick and durable armour. I was hardly naked.”

“You woke _up_ naked, as I recall. We both did.”

“I...” Garak blushed. “Hm.”

Julian grinned.

After a while... “Garak?”

“Hm?”

“Are empress regnars sociable animals? Do they get sad and lonely when they don’t have a... a close friend?”

Garak pressed a gentle smile and a kiss into Julian’s hair. “This one does,” he murmured.

Julian shut his eyes and held on tight. “Well then,” he said. He inhaled, on the edge of a berry-induced snooziness. He breathed out, and whispered, “Consider yourself taken.”

Garak chuckled. “Oh, I already did, my dear.”

Cuddle.

Squish.

Kiss.

“I already did.”

**{ the end }**

**Author's Note:**

> ♥ [**Art post on tumblr!**](https://almaasi.tumblr.com/post/619489687820697600/so-i-saw-this-video-of-a-lizard-tied-to-a-balloon)
> 
> [Here, have more Garashir fics.](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&include_work_search%5Bfandom_ids%5D%5B%5D=8474&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&user_id=almaasi) ♥
> 
> I LOVE YOU, SPACE FRIENDS. Thank you for reading my stuff and reblogging my art and leaving kudos and SO MANY WONDERFUL COMMENTS. And for [stanning me so hard in Sid’s zoom chat](https://almaasi.tumblr.com/post/618851539711311872/i-talked-to-sid-and-i-couldnt-breathe-and) last week that [he gave me 45 minutes this week just to talk to my readers in front of him](https://almaasi.tumblr.com/post/619487679646679040/sigynpenniman-almaasi-sigynpenniman)???? I’m just. That was a lot. You’re all amazing.  
> Elmie x


End file.
